Daddy Issues Part 11- The Parent Trap
Daddy Issues 11: The Parent Trap
I know two brothers who were separated at birth. One went with the father and the other son went with the mother. The mother remarried and she and her new husband raised her son in the things of God. The father unfortunately fell into drugs and alcohol and the other son was raised undisciplined un-provided for and unprotected. When I met this young man he was angry and bitter.
God healed this young man and after his father died he ended up reconnecting with his mother and his brother leading that whole family to the Lord.
Many times the sins or bad habits of our parents come to trip us up and to reproduce the cycle. The sins of the fathers can become a trap for us. This is not God’s desire.
Daddy issues stem from bad parenting, absentee parents, abuse, and even the rebellion of the children and their rejection of authority. All of this can be summed up by two words: selfishness and rebellion.
God wants to bring healing to our world that is full of daddy issues. In Malachi 4:6, God says that His desire is to… “turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers…”
He wants to break the sinful parent trap.
He comes to show us what it means to be a godly father or mother as well as what it means to be a son or daughter.
We are going to look into God’s word so He can show us what this looks like in our lives.
As we get into our main text, I'm going to ask that you stand if you can for the reading of the word.
We are going to read 1 Corinthians chapter 4 verse 15 through 17. Out of the New King James. When you have it say amen.
This is Paul speaking to the Corinthian church.
1 Corinthians 4:15-17 For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus, I have begotten you through the gospel. Therefore, I urge you, imitate me. For this reason, I have sent Timothy to you, who is my beloved and faithful son in the Lord, who will remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach everywhere in every church.
For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ on TikTok.
Ten thousand instructors in Christ on Instagram.
Ten thousand instructors in Christ on Facebook
Ten thousand instructors in Christ on Youtube
yet you do not have many fathers or Parents
Main Point: A parent disciplines, protects, and provides.
I see my puppy parents rolling their eyes. Even puppy parents do this.
Say it with me… “A parent disciplines, protects, and provides”
That's what a father and a mother does: Disciplines, Protects, & Provides
A Parent Disciplines
You may be on YouTube preaching fire, but you are not my daddy.
You don’t discipline, protect or provide.
You may be bringing the word powerfully on Instagram
But you’re not my mama. You don’t discipline, protect or provide.
You may have a great word and ten thousand followers in Christ yet you do not have many fathers.
Your YouTube teacher has no idea you are about to make the biggest mistake of your life and you will need protection.
When's the last time your Instagram instructor provided for you when your electricity is two days shy of being cut off?
Your Facebook prophet may be speaking truth to you but there is no discipline when you're posting nonsense on social media. There is no discipline when you're creeping to the club. There’s no discipline when you slowly fade from God and the church.
When a parent disciplines a child it helps them to learn about consequences and taking responsibility for their own actions.
My mom would say a time out lasts however long you put your child in time out for but a butt whooping lasts all day.
Let's be honest, has anyone out there ever had TD Jakes come to your house and give you a whooping?
Now look there have been times when Daddy Jakes has put me in time-out through the airways. But it didn't last very long.
I went right back to doing my dirt.
Let me ask you another question: has anyone here or out there had a spanking from their mama or daddy? Yes! Yes you have because parenting is not done long distance.
It's up close. It's personal.
Can I linger here for just a moment?
How many of you were spanked as a child.
Nowhere in Scripture does it condone child abuse, but it does recommend disciplining your children.
A spanking, applied correctly, won’t do irreparable harm. It’s meant to teach children right from wrong. It’s a temporary pain that produces a long-term correction.
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
If you don’t discipline your child it will be a higher chance that the world will discipline them. The gang will discipline them. The prison system will discipline them.
Without discipline your child grows up to be disobedient thinking they can do whatever they want. Spanking is done out of love.
The bible says in Hebrews chapter 12 verse 6 through 11
“The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Let me ask you a question. Who loves the child more?
A parent who allows the child to do what will harm him or her?
Or the one who corrects, trains and even punishes the child to help them learn what is right.
Notice I said parents.
I did say grandparents because with a grandparent anything goes. You've heard pastor Trevor tell tales about our Godson Monte? Well here’s another one.
Marisa takes Monte to Florida to visit her grandmother who is actually Monte's great grandmother and the great grandmother leans in to say hello to Monte and bam! He smacks her right across the face and she said, and I quote, “That's okay you can hit grandma.”
So even though he’s my God son I feel like I’m grandparenting because the kid can do no wrong. So the running joke is “it's okay you can hit grandma.”
It’s never pleasant to be disciplined by God but his discipline shows us His great love for us.
Parents discipline their children because they love them. And you always protect what you love.
To protect is to defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss, annoyance, insult, cover or shield from injury or danger.
Can you believe that sometimes a parent will even need to protect you, from you from the dangers of yourself and this world.
It is our responsibility, as parents and responsible citizens, to protect children and to teach them the skills to be safe.
I grew up in a time where your neighbor would spank you for stealing then you would get home and get another series of whoopings.
Everyone was involved in the protection and rearing of children. Now no one wants to be involved.
There's this show I sometimes watch called What would you do?
They had a 10 year old boy opening up a bottle of liquor on the streets to
see if anyone would stop him. People looked. They were shocked. They pointed they gasped. Only three people out of hundreds stopped to protect this kid from himself.
I pray for my kids all the time. Both natural and Spiritual. The Lord has promised in His word to protect you from things meant to harm you.
There are times in life where tragedy may happen in your family… I know from personal experience, as I am sure you do as well.
This does not negate the promises of God.
Our trials are reminders of the fallen world we live in.
I have a 23 year old daughter. She has a tiny little guest house off the back property of her grandmother's house. Some drunk man tried to open her front door and was trying to break in.
She didn't call 911, she called her mama because she knows no matter where I am… I’m coming. Because that's my baby. I am the Liam Neesson of her life
For those that don't know, Liam Neesson is an actor from a movie called Taken. 2008 Before Christ.
His 17 year old daughter is kidnaped. And at the time of the kidnapping Liam Neesson tells the kidnaper.
If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it.
I will not look for you.
I will not pursue you.
But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you
I have a particular set of skills of prayer and prophecy, and I will mess you up both in the spirit and in the natural." I’m kidding, not kidding.
Many of you have called me even before you call your own natural parents. Because you know I will come. No matter what. No matter when. No matter where.
Not only do parents discipline and protect their children, but they also provide.
Matthew 6:31-32 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
When I was a kid we were poor. I didn't know we were poor and I never worried about it. When I was hungry I just let my parents know and I got food. “Mom… I’m thirsty”, and I got a drink. Not only did I have school clothes, I had play clothes and I had church clothes. My parents knew what I needed and she had four kids, so…
Matthew 7:11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!
Providing means to supply or make available (something wanted or needed)
A true parent not only disciplines and protects, they also provide for the needs of their children.
One of my daughters needed me to watch her kids while she went to work. Afterwards she tried to pay me. I refused because I don't provide for my kids to get something for myself, I provide for my children to give something to them.
The agape love of God is not transactional. We don’t worship to pay Him back, we do it because He is good and worthy. Nor does He wait for our worship to love us. He loves us whether or not we love Him back. His love is stronger than our rejection and rebellion. This is what the parable of the Prodigal Son is all about.
As a parent I love my kids and discipline, protect, and provide for them because I want to see them grow into their purpose and maximize their potential.
Paul is emphasizing the difference between being a distant instructor versus a involved intentional parent
1 Corinthians 4:15 For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ yet you do not have many fathers.
He then says “I've begotten you through the gospel.”
What does that mean?
The word begotten means brought into existence by or as if by a parent.
So Paul is saying here I have parented you into existence. You're here because of me!
It's like our kids thinking they are here on this earth by something they did.
Paul is saying… I brought you into existence or patented you through the gospel.
Gospel meaning the good news from the revelation of Christ!
Paul is saying I’m not your father by accident this was revealed to you not by a human but by God Himself.
So if we put it all together it would read like this
I brought you into existence or parented you through the revelation of Christ.
I'm going to pick on the Roberts family for a minute. For those who don't know the Roberts family. Insert picture here____
Trust me when I say Jake Roberts has some strong genes. He has four boys. So how do I know He is the father of these boys?
Not because Maury Povich did a DNA test. It is 99.9 percent that you are the father.
It's because they look exactly like him. They walk like him, talk like him, they act like him. These are Roberts boys.
But for me I have many different sons and daughters. Some are black some are white some are latino. None of y'all look like me…
in the flesh!
So how do you know that I am your spiritual mother and Trevor is your spiritual father?
We may not share physical DNA, but my sons and daughters have my spiritual DNA, you look like me in the spirit. You walk like me, talk like me, pray like me.
I have been seeing my spiritual children pray like me, talk like me, and even handle situations the same way that I would. Recently, in prayer I am hearing my daughter’s prayer language sound like mine in volume, intensity, and pace. Why do they pray that way, of course because of the Holy but it's also because they hear their momma pray that way.
Same way the Corinthians did with Paul through the gospel or the revelation of God.
Like Trevor and I have done for our own natural daughter, we now do for our spiritual sons and daughters.
We… Discipline, Protect, & Provide
1 Corinthians 4:16 says Therefore, I urge you, imitate me.
Paul is saying follow my example and copy me. Do what I do in Christ. Say what I say in Christ. Act how I act in Christ.
Paul was able to make this statement because he followed God, walked with God. Spent time in His word and in prayer and was aware of God's presence in his life at all times.
In a very real sense, Paul was creating a spiritual genetic bond that mirrored the physical genetic bond of a blood family.
It looks like this. God filled both Trevor and I with the DNA of His Spirit. And when a man and a woman love each other, kidding. We then gave birth to Spiritual sons and daughters who followed us as we follow Christ and now that same DNA of God by the power of the Holy Spirit has spread from our children to our spiritual grandchildren.
We are wanting healthy, Spirit-filled sons and daughters who beget healthy Spirit-filled sons and daughters.
Our goal and desire is not about building a big church, but about cultivating a legacy of faith and an inheritance of blessing.
Our world has become a generation of hard knock life singing orphans desperately seeking mothers and fathers.
Our need for parents is so great we will follow anyone.
Bad Bunnie… are you my dad?
Tom Cruise … are you my dad?
Cristiano Ronaldo… are you my dad?
Justin Beiber… are you my dad.
If you don't parent your kids someone else will…
Our culture has Daddy Issues
We are following people we shouldn't be following.
Celebrities and sports figures who if not for their celebrity status we would not let them near our kids or in our house for that matter.
We are now dressing like them and talking like them. Picking up their habits.
If Tom Cruise worked at Walmart we wouldn't give him the time of day.
We are following men and women because we think that they have arrived
Following people because we think they are cool.
You want to know another word for cool that I found in the dictionary?
Cool: to mean, Bewitching and that meaning to cast a spell on; enchant, subject to sorcery
We are following the world because we have been bewitch
In 1 Corinthians 11:1 Paul says, “follow me as I follow Christ.”
God was Paul's example, and Paul's life was an example to other christians.
Let me ask you who are you following and who’s following you? Are you leading them to Christ or are you making a place for them in hell?
Follow me as I follow Christ
Paul was raising up a spiritual family
There were many church folks that Paul himself mentored: Barnabas, Phoebe, Priscilla, John Mark, Silas and Junia. He could have sent any of these. But know… He wanted a son - someone who took on his spiritual DNA.
The word says, “For this reason, I have sent Timothy to you, who is my beloved and faithful son in the Lord…”
What is a son or daughter in the Lord?
It's a spiritual son or daughter.
To be a “Spiritual son” means to follow in someone’s footsteps to emulate or match a person. Imitating another’s actions; to carry on and to fulfill the “father’s or mothers” life and purpose.
Then you become a spiritual father or mother at the same time always remaining a son.
Jesus Christ was always God, and as God was also a Father, and still has a permanent position as a Son.
There are some of you here that may not be a parent but you are all sons and daughters.
In the Kingdom, if you're a son in God you can be a father and a mother in God as well.
Imitate me as I follow Christ
Main Point: A parent disciplines, protects, and provides.
The Lord is your perfect heavenly Father who will never leave you or forsake you, who is faithful to discipline, protect, and provide for you.
He has also given you spiritual parents in the form of pastors and mentors that give you an example to follow. We say to you, like Paul, follow us as we follow Christ.
God desires that you become a son and daughter - that you grow and are trained up into who God created you to be.
He also wants you to come to a place of maturity, and eventually, fruitfulness.
While you will always be a son or daughter of God, He wants you to also become a father or mother - naturally or spiritually.
To discipline, protect, and provide for others and to raise them up into their purpose.
We need to first free ourselves from any pride or arrogance. By walking in humility. It’s me Lord standing in the need of prayer. Humility keeps us from walking our own path and to walk the path of Christ.
Repentance is the act of leaving what God has forbidden and returning to what he has commanded.
Submission teaches that we should submit to one another out of a reverence for Christ, to esteem others better than ourselves, to obey those who have authority over us, and most of all, to submit ourselves under God’s authority and His Law.
Allow yourself to be trained and grown up by God and by spiritual mothers and fathers of the faith / pastors.
Become a spiritual father or mother by disciplining, protecting, and providing for those that God brings to you.
If there are some here who are finding themselves struggling with pride, unrepentance and defiance.
God wants to set you free tonight. The Lord is the Spirit here. And where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.